The Miscellany Manifesto

I'm trying to think of a time when I was more anxious about something, and I honestly can't come up with anything. I seem to have shortcircuited somewhere in my cranium and it's becoming increasingly difficult to concentrate on anything other than two things: My MICA result and the letter carrying my MICA result. It's a strange situation. I'm perfectly aware of the fact that waiting and biting of perfectly nice nails is not going to speed up the Indian post, but I can't seem to get my mind latched on to anything else. I'm so desperate, I was actually humming "Dakia Daak Laya" in my head like a background track. And when you begin singing songs like that in your head, it's time to do something about it!

So I thought I'd enlist the help of omniscient, omnipotent Google (which I have realised I cannot lead my life without). So here are some of the more unusual things my trusted Google would have me do to beat, punch, kick, hit, pucture, pulverize, pound and bust the stress.

1. Prune my garden and talk to my flowers. (I hope weeding my two flowerpots will do the trick.)
2. Buy a ranch in the countryside. (I'll tell my accountant to keep my millions ready.)
3. Eat Mexican yams. (Batata chalega? Mexico zara door hai...)
4. Challenge yourself with a new game of skill. (Thumb wars!)
5. Don't read the newspaper. (Because of all the little evil words?)
6. Reach your "zone". ("Address" please.)
7. Laugh. Or Cry.
8. Find a secret pal. (Imaginary friend?)
9. Go shopping. (Now we're talking...)

I'm probably going to find it a little challenging to buy a ranch or eat those Mexican yams, but I know I did something right just now. Google might not have helped me all that much with finding viable means to beat the stress until the Dakia does decide to show up. If anything, it has suggested some exceedingly cheesy options as well as the weird (and expensive) options mentioned above. And I think it'll be a while before I get me that ranch or even a bowl of those Mexican yams.

But Google has alleviated my stress. Its kept my cranium occupied, fixed that shortcircuit a little by forcing me to do something apart from looking out of my window wistfully and singing filmi-ishtyle for Dakiababu in my head. I've barely given my letter a thought during the last couple of minutes! Wahey! So I might not exactly have found a quickfix for my anxiety, but I did find something to keep me occupied- so I suppose I did find a fix.

As always, Google- my hero!

• It's a very human book. It's about going on a silly quest to break a rut, fulfil a dream and achieve. It is a book about how, in the end, it's not the 44million info-packed words that make the man intelligent, but what he discovers about himself and our mad mad world along the way that brings him a few steps closer to wisdom.
• It's filled with trivia that may come in handy someday. Like Pueblo tribeswomen divorce their husbands simply by keeping their mocassins by the doorstep (teepee-step?), which could come in handy when you're out of creative ways to break-up with someone, or like army troops survived in the wilderness by eating lichen (weird, green mossy fungus stuff) incase you're in a battle and wandering without food in a mossy area. You never know.
• It's very jewishly funny. (That's a legitimate adverb, btw) So you find your average Woody Allen-esque mother-in-law who reads phone directories for fun, hippie-feminist-animal rights activist-raw foodist relatives who say shtick and schmaltz, and classic witticisms such as, "He was a city man. Always at two with nature."
• It's a good, light read. And in the vein of modern marketing, gives you the best of two worlds. For example, you'll read about Benthams's utilitarianism v/s deontology debate even as you read about Jessica Simpson's Chicken v/s Tuna debate a few pages later. (It also features some very interesting commentary on Vin Diesel and Ivanka Trump.)

Now the Assembly was dull, but the Council was genuinely interesting. No, really. We heard a rather acerbic discussion about the state budget. Finance minister Yediyurappa was present, but HDK was no where to be seen as his camp took a righteous beating from the opposition. Professor Chandrashekhar had a fantastic go at the budget, sarcasm and all. He pointed out glaring mistakes and several appallingly hypocritical comments from HDK's ministry. For example, the introduction to the budget congratulates the Krishna and Singh governments for doing such a wonderful job with infrastucture and agrarian development (haha) and promises to continue the same. This, after years of rivalry and criticism about the very same issues. Strange...

The best part was the way in which the Prof took charge. He never raised his voice, never pointed fingers, was dignified (and sarcastic) throughout and totally blew the budget to pieces. Yediyurappa never said a word.

What was truly interesting though was the contrast between the conduct and composition of the Assembly and Council. Striking differences.

I don't mean any of this to sound offensive, but this is the way it was. The Assembly was larger as per size, smaller as per attendance (and attention!) and did seem to have a largely rural membership. The discussion was conducted, in general, at very high decibels and very low standards of respect. At several points the debate was so heated that the Speaker actually had to stand and shout for order. He wore the distinct look of a harangued babysitter.

The Council was smaller, had a higher comparative attendance, more organised representatives, a calmer speaker and much higher levels of decorum. Not to mention the discussion, lead by Professor Chandrashekhar, which was far more dignified and if one can say so, intelligent. Quite predictably, the Council had a far more learned group in attendance, who in their dress and mannerisms seemed very urban.

All in all, the whole thing was both very interesting and very boring. I wish we had some sort of translation aids, but then again I should keep dreaming. Whatever it was, it was very surprising in many ways. Legislation was at work. Very contentious issues were being discussed with great enthusiasm. The effectiveness and outcome of the debates is very debate-able though. Also we weren't the only audience there. The seats were filled with many people, several groups of farmers, a few noted NGO representatives. Yes, we got a taster of the heated arguments that the Soudha is infamous for and we saw some sleepy MLAs and it was very disappointing because they proved the stereotypes right. But it was heartening to see our elected representatives concerned about the very issues we worry about, it was good to see them take up issues with genuine passion. I suppose somewhere deep down I believed they'd all be asleep.

In retrospect, it was an illuminating visit. I'm glad I went.