(Almost) Saying Goodbye
It's not like I like my college. Infact anyone who knows me well enough should have heard me rant about college atleast once. It's one of those things you know. You dislike something so passionately and for such varied reasons that you can't help but complain and complain and complain, and then you get sick of complaining, but you can't stop complaining anyway.
Well today was my last official day at BWMC, and for the very first time I felt...something. It was too small to label remorse and not insignificant enough to remain labelled just something. I still can't quite figure out what it was. Am I sorry for leaving? Am I going to miss the place? I do doubt that. Infact, after I typed that, it made me smile because its just so impossible. Miss the place? Please.
What was it then? The more I think about it, two things become more and more clear to me. And I'm not liking this sort of clarity all that much, let me tell you.
One, I think I'm feeling sorry about complaining so bloody much while I was there. Yes, I hated it. And yes, they hated me. But I think I might have marred my time here by only thinking of the place negatively. Maybe if I'd complained less, sort of tried to get used to things as they were, swallow the bitter syrup if you will, I might have spent some happier days here. It's nasty to realise this now, but everything is a lesson right?
Two, things are coming full circle for me. It feels like an episode is about to close. Not quite finished yet, but almost. Uncertainty lurks ahead. But the future has stopped being so big, bad and ugly now. It's just things that will happen and I'm not so scared anymore. So that's good. But this part is certainly coming to a close- I feel like things need to be wound up, loose ends tied. Some nostalgia, some wistfulness is a part of it I guess.
One thing is for sure, I'll never forget that unexpected feeling that suddenly lurched up my throat as I stepped out of the college gates today. I was stunned because I never expected to feel sad about leaving BWMC behind. I guess no matter how eagerly one looks forward to finishing something so that one can embark upon something new- a goodbye must be said first. And you know what goodbyes are like.
I guess I said my goodbye today. Well, almost.
This entry was posted
on 19.4.06 at 4:29 PM.
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i'm waiting for my independence day too......would nostalgia prevail over hope? i certainly hope not
Very loose writing... I admire it a lot. An ease with words, the way your story flows without a lot of eddies is very nice... Keep it up buddy..
i know the feeling having changed 6 schools myself ....everytime u are left with a feeling of remorse that the time spent there could have been utilised better..so there is a lesson to be learnt and not repeat in future
I know how u feel... having passionately disliked the place & constantly complain bout it, I was surprised to feel a twinge of 'something i cant really name' when I realised it was officially the last day at BWMC and that it was finally over..
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